safe and sound

usually, when i get a day off work, or a fair bit of time home alone, i like to sit quietly, sometimes i'll think about things, or just let my mind be quiet, and meditate. its usually when i meditate that i think best, funnily enough.

the other day, i was trying to meditate, and i couldn't get a song out of my head. later i had a look at the lyrics, which spoke of, um, stuff to the effect of 'time keeps moving forward, stopping for no-one, so don't stop or you'll be left behind.' it never said that in the song, but you now have the idea of what the song was like.

anyway, while reading, i sort of came to a conclusion, a realisation. i already knew this, but i hadn't realised it. it hadn't sunk in until then. you know how you can know things, but until its sunk in to your brain, and you realise it, the knowledge is meaningless? of course you do! it was like that.
its a realisation as old as time, and if you haven't realised it yet, which i doubt,  you might want to, no pressure though, can't rush these things. you might cause yourself irreparable spiritual/psychological damage.
the lyrics, 'it can't be done safe and sound' refer to the search for self, who you are. now, i can't deny my little realisation has anything to do with that, but i'd be lying if i said it was that. i can't describe it in a simple sentence, so i'll explain it in an example.

i'm scared of speaking in front of an audience. Standing at a podium or on a stage, knowing there are people watching me, even if i also know they're half asleep, seems to create a gnawing black void in my stomach that comes dangerously close to sapping my physical and mental strength (it never does, though, but i think if i let it...)
but, i think its the same for every person who does public speaking. They feel the same thing. The difference between me and them is that i allow it to be a problem. i want to avoid that feeling, but others seek that out, because that feeling reminds them they are alive (i've heard people say that)
you know, emos cut themselves 'to feel something,' and thats weird, and stupid, and a little pathetic, but it has some truth in it, that feeling tells you you are alive. And cutting yourself seems a bit cowardly, at least when you get that feeling from something like public speaking, just thought i'd point that out.

and i gotta say, i certainly felt alive the few times i have done public speaking, internally fighting that all consuming abyss of fear and darkness. i use this example, because i'll be talking about an event at church this week. its pre written (although, in someone elses words... not good) so it won't be that bad, but its two pages, and i'm going to have to prepare for it. but, i'm going to do it, i'm not going to avoid it and, live safe and sound, because to live safe and sound is a misnomer. if you're safe and sound, and avoid these feelings, then you're not living, you simply exist.

heres a pic of uncommon hazard signs. i'll admit, i looked at some of these and muttered 'uh-oh.'